


Silently

by orphan_account



Category: 911 - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Eddie Diaz, Bisexual Evan "Buck" Buckley, Buckley-Diaz family, Caring Eddie Diaz, Domestic Fluff, Evan “Buck” Buckley/ Eddie Diaz, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Protective Eddie Diaz, Protective Evan "Buck" Buckley, Slow Burn, Soft Evan "Buck" Buckley, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, buddie, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:54:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 18,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23637889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Eddie is secretly in love with Buck. Little does he know Buck feels the same
Relationships: Eddie “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 69





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you like it let me know and I’ll post more chapters. Right now I’m just seeing if anyone will actually wanna read it:)

Buck realized he was in love with Eddie during the tsunami. Watching his face when he spots Chris and runs to envelop his son in a hug, making eye contact with Buck over his head, eyes thankful. Buck’s world came crashing down. Everything went dark except Eddie and Chris. He falls back, feels Bobby and Hen’s arms around him. He clings on. Desperate for something to anchor him here. So he knows it’s not a dream. Chris is safe. Eddie is safe. And Buck has never felt more head over heels in love. 

During the lawsuit was when Eddie realized he didn’t just miss his best friend. He missed Buck. He missed the man he’s in love with. And his phone burns in his hand because he can’t text Buck. At night when Chris cries about missing Buck, Eddie silently does too because god he understands the feeling. Eddie feels like his heart was wrenched from his chest. Like part of his brain is missing. Like there’s an empty space in his life that lit up the world for him and now it’s all dark. 

But Eddie wasn’t the only one who hated that lawsuit. Buck hated the lawsuit because he felt the same way. He lied awake every night staring at his phone. Half expecting to see Eddie’s name pop up with some random thought he had like before it all went down. Or some random picture because Eddie was going through his camera roll and found a pic of Buck and Chris, or an old pic of Chris, or a selfie of him and Chris. But the name never pops up. 

And it hurts so bad. He does anything to pass the sleepless hours. Sometimes he’ll go for a jog in the middle of the night with no specific location for where he’s going but somehow he always ends up at Eddie’s house no matter which direction he starts going. It always ends up with Eddie. 

And he’ll sit on the curb, watching the light of Eddie’s room still be on at 3:15 in the morning and he wonders what he’s thinking. Or why he’s awake. Or if he’s thinking about Buck too, but maybe that’s wishful thinking on his part. 

One night he was jogging by and stopped himself before passing because he saw Eddie out front on the step. He was staring at his phone. It took everything in him not to walk up and sling an arm around his shoulders and ask if he’s okay. But he knows the answer. He knows that look. That miserable look. Wanting his phone to light up. Wants to dial Buck’s number. Wants desperately to send something. Say something. Anything. Wants to break this radio silence between them. 

Wants to touch him. To feel his skin under his fingers. Lingering touches. Shared glances. Wants things to go back to how they were before. Before the silence. Before the pain. His phone lays silent, a dark screen mocking him. 

It takes everything Buck has to not call him. To not send a message. To not do something to wipe that look off of Eddie’s face. Instead he stands there. Frozen and rooted to the ground. In silence. 

He watches as Eddie tosses his phone into the grass and put his head in his hands. After a minute his shoulders shake. It hits Buck. Buck isn’t the only one hurting with this. His stomach fills with panic and he runs the other way. The streaks of tears turning cold in the wind. He runs and doesn’t stop. Doesn’t know where he’s going. Doesn’t know if Eddie heard his footsteps and went looking. He just runs. Desperate for peace. Desperate for the knot in his stomach to go away. 

Desperate for Eddie. 

He can’t run anymore. He lands in the grass and let’s go. Sobbing uncontrollably. He misses Eddie. He LOVES Eddie. He’s in love with Eddie. He needs him. He needs to hear his voice. To feel the warmth of his skin. To have him there. Tangible and real in front of him. He needs him to get him out of this loneliness. But he can’t. 

He can’t call Eddie in his most broken state. He can’t hear his warm voice in this cool night air. He can’t ask to come over. He can’t hold Eddie as he cries on the front step. He can’t bear the thought that it’s his fault. It’s all his fault. 

He finally goes home and crashes on the couch. He wakes up first thing and goes to the store and buys a photo album and prints dozens of photos of Chris and Eddie and himself. Spends the entire day putting these photos in. To hold onto it in the night when he wants to hold Eddie. To text Eddie. To see Chris. To curl into Eddie’s warmth after they’ve had a couple beers on the couch when it’s late and the tv is background noise to Eddie’s heartbeat. 

Months later they’re back to what it was before. When the lawsuit is far behind them. It’s 3:15 again and Buck can’t sleep. He decides to go for a run. And like always, it ends at Eddie’s house. With the light on in Eddie’s room. Buck sends a message to open the door and moments later Eddie’s standing there- messy hair, tired eyes, apparently not sleeping either. 

Buck steps in and hugs him. Breathes in his scent. Eddie holds him back just as tightly. They’ve hugged since everything went down but not like this. This time it’s like they’re talking without words. Pouring their emotions into this hug. They lose track of time. Or maybe time doesn’t move. They’re in love with each other. Silently. Secretly. 

Buck breaks the silence first. Whispering how much he missed him and how sorry he is. Quietly. Into the darkness. Into Eddie. The words resonating through Eddie’s body as if they didn’t see each other 12 hours ago with they got off. Like the my won’t see each other in 12 hours when they go in. 

Eddie makes a noise like a sob and they hold each other tighter. Standing there. Silently. 

When they finally break apart Eddie grabs Buck’s hand, pulls him silently towards his room. They sit in silence. Together. Together but separate. Unknowingly in love with each other. 

Eddie moves first. Moves closer to Buck. Drapes his arm around his shoulder. Pulls him closer and places a kiss to his temple before laying his head on his shoulder. Buck leans into Eddie’s arms. No one says anything. How do you tell your best friend you’re in love with them? Silently.


	2. Chapter 2

They wake the next morning wrapped together. Eddie leaning against Buck while Buck’s arms wrap around Eddie. They lay there in silence, comfortable before finally getting up. They go to the kitchen to make breakfast and move around each other silently. Wordlessly. 

Neither one of them mention last night. What it means. Neither wanting to recognize the gravity of the feelings. 

Eddie offers to drive Buck home when he realizes that Buck didn’t drive to his house. That he ran in the middle of the night just to see him. Just to hold him silently. 

“Nah I need to clear my head anyways. Running home might help. But thanks, man.”

They see each other again when their shift starts. They sit next to each other on the couch with the others. Touching. Silently. Eddie can feel the warmth of Buck’s skin through their uniforms. Buck leans in silently and drapes his arm across the back of the couch behind him. His fingers playing with the button on Eddie’s shoulder mindlessly. A silent sign of affection. Of his love. 

Their legs are touching from their hips to their knees. There’s space on the couch. No real reason to sit this close. But they don’t mention it and no one else does. Their actions pass in silence. 

On the truck they talk Christopher, make plans for the next night when they’re off to watch movies and have pizza. Eddie leans in and bumps his shoulder against Buck’s a couple times throughout the conversation. Wordlessly expressing his love.

Throughout their shift they find other ways touch silently. Lingering glances and eye contact. Brushing arms and fingers. Sitting closer than necessary. 

The next night Buck picks up the pizzas and was greeted at the door by an excited Chris who wrapped his arms around Buck’s legs before letting him walk inside. Eddie grabs plates from the kitchen and they settle into the couch contentedly to watch the movie Chris picked. 

During the movie Chris begins shifting trying to lay down. Buck leans against the arm of the couch and stretches across so his feet are in Eddie’s lap while Chris get comfortable laying across Buck, wrapping himself in a blanket. Eddie watches them silently as Chris’s eyes begin closing and Buck wraps his arms tightly around Chris, holding him safely and securely against his chest. Eddie can’t help it. 

Eddie doesn’t trust easily. But Buck? He knows Buck would do anything for Chris. Would move heaven and earth for his son. He loves him. He’s so head over heels in love with him that he’s not sure he’ll be able to live without him. As he lays there watching Buck and Chris drift off on the couch while the movie plays quietly he realizes how much he wants Buck. 

He wants to hold Buck. He wants to come home to Buck every night. To run his fingers through Buck’s short blond hairs. To runs his fingers along Buck’s cheekbones. He wants to run his lips along his jawline and to trace all of Buck’s scars with his fingertips. Map them. Learn the stories behind each other. 

He wants to know Buck inside and out. His thoughts, feelings, his entire life story. He wants to hold his hand and feel his pulse in his wrist. But instead he sits there pining over his best friend silently. 

When the movie ends Eddie gathers Chris into his arms and goes and puts him in the bed. He walks back out to Buck sitting up on the couch, groggily. Eddie walks over to him and sits next to him, too close given the amount of empty space, not close enough. Both of them leaning in slightly. Desperate to touch more. To stay there. To be closer. 

Buck stands up and breaks the silence, “It’s late, I should, uh, probably get going.”

“Unless you wanted to stay? For a beer that is?”

“Yea I’d love that” 

Love you. He takes in Buck’s soft smile before he heads to the kitchen to get their drinks in silence. Buck sits in the middle of the sofa. Spreading out just a little more than necessary and turns on Eddie’s favorite show. Eddie walks out and sits on the left side of the couch furthest from the kitchen door. He props his feet up and sits at an angle, leaning against the junction between the back of the couch and arm of the couch and let’s his arm settle over the back of the couch. Buck leans back slightly against Eddie. They drink their beers in silence. 

Sometime later Eddie wakes up after having apparently drifted asleep on the couch. His arm draped around a sleeping Buck and across his chest while one of Buck’s hands is holding his wrist. Buck is sound asleep leaning on Eddie’s chest, his other arm draped across Eddie’s legs. He can feel the rise and fall of Buck’s breathing under his arm. He lays in silence watching Buck until sleep takes him again. Comfortable under the weight of Buck against him. Wrapped in darkness. Holding Buck. In love. Silently.


	3. Chapter 3

Eddie wakes up in the morning cold and alone. He glances around in the Saturday morning light but Buck isn’t anywhere. He checks his watch- 8am. Usually Chris is up by now. The house is silent. Suddenly he hears giggling from Chris’s room. He walks in to find Buck sprawled on the floor with Chris tickling him. He watches in silence as his sons laughter fills the quiet house. Watches Buck’s face as he smiles and continues to tickle Chris. Watches his beautiful eyes crinkle as he laughs and horses around. 

Finally he stops them for breakfast. Chris runs to the bathroom to brush his teeth while Eddie grabs Buck’s wrist and asks how long he’s been awake. 

“Maybe half an hour. You were sleeping and you looked cute all asleep on the couch so I just left you and played with Chris til you woke up”

Eddie’s stomach twists into knots. Cute. He said he looked cute. He tries not to read into the word choice but he couldn’t help it. He was frozen to the spot as the word swam through his brain. He felt like he was in slow motion. Buck said one word and his brain has somehow shorted out. But he had to respond. The way Buck’s looking at him right now tells him that much. 

“Thanks. I appreciate it. You looked pretty cute yourself asleep on my chest when I was awake in the middle of the night”

With a wink he walks past Buck. Leaving him dumbfounded in his wake. He ignored the knots tangling his stomach as he pulled down the ingredients for pancakes. Buck walks into the kitchen behind Chris and then walks behind where Eddie is and places his hand on the small of Eddie’s back for a moment before asking what he can do to help. 

Eddie stands there for a minute in shock. Is Buck playing a game? Judging by the smug look on his face at Eddie’s reaction, the answer is yes. Eddie quickly bounces back and leans into Buck and whispers in his ear. 

“You can give me some sugar.”

He smirks as he turns back to the bowl and continues mixing the other ingredients. If Buck wants to play a game then he can play along. Buck blushes and places the sugar on the counter and walks over to the table and sits with Chris. They work on drawing while Eddie finishes breakfast. 

Buck walks over as Eddie puts the last of the pancakes on the plate and grabs Eddie by the waist, pressing his chest against Eddie’s back and leaning over his shoulder and sniffing as if that was the only way to inhale the scent of the pancakes. 

Eddie stands unmoving. Maybe if he doesn’t move Buck won’t stop. Buck will continue to hold him like that. Will hold him closer. But it’s just a game. And Buck doesn’t want this for real. 

They get their pancakes and eat them then begin cleaning up. When they both are at the sink doing dishes Eddie takes a chance and grabs Buck’s hand. He excuses it in his mind as part of the game. He makes eye contact with Buck’s and give him a smug grin. But as he looks at Buck’s face, he sees hope in his eyes. Red tinged cheeks and he looks nervous. They stand there, neither touching the dishes, neither trying to draw their hand back. Holding hands in silence. 

They finally finish the dishes and Buck heads home. Chris goes to Abuela’s house early before his shift which gives him time to lay down and take a nap. Sleep doesn’t take him. Not as easily. Not without Buck. 

Buck. Beautiful Buck. With his soft blond hair and broad shoulders. Kind eyes. The way they soften when he’s tired. The way he bats his eye lashes subconsciously when Eddie looks at him. The puppy dog eyes he gives when he doesn’t get his way. And his warm hands. With strong fingers and prominent tendons. Calloused from years of working with his hands. But gentle. When they grab Chris or wrap around Eddie’s wrist it’s soft. A testament to Buck’s temperament. His lips. Red and full. Soft. Like everything else about him. The scars. Traveling down his leg from the truck. Across his eye from the tsunami. Dozens of others Eddie has seen and is desperate to know the stories behind. 

Buck is soft. He’s 6’2”, 190 pounds of pure muscle. He should be intimidating. Should be. But he’s not. Not to Eddie. He’s soft. His laughter fills a room, his smile could brighten up Eddie’s darkest day. He wishes Buck would’ve been there on his darkest day during the lawsuit. When he sat on his front step crying in the middle of the night so as not to wake Christopher. If Buck knew about that it would be impossible to hide how in love with Buck Eddie was. So head over heels in love. Can’t breathe with out him in love. 

His alarm shakes him from his day dreaming. He was supposed to nap. Somehow he only laid there thinking of Buck. He stands up, changes and grabs his bag. He needs to tell Buck how he feels. He needs to tell him, but somehow it’s easier to not tell him. To secretly love him. Silently.


	4. Chapter 4

Weeks go by and they fall into a sort of routine. Buck comes over after work several times a week, Chris gets excited, they all cook dinner or Buck will pick something up, lingering glances, touches. Buck often sleeps over. Fall asleep on the couch and gets woken by Chris in the morning climbing up to lay next to him and sleep for a bit. Eddie silently watches these early morning moments. No one else is awake to see him and he can enjoy seeing his boys, his boy and Buck, in such peaceful sleep. 

Buck is beautiful when he sleeps. Relaxed features, his arm curled around Chris holding him securely on the couch, keeping the blanket wrapped more around Chris than himself. The sun coming through the window, highlighting his cheekbones, his hair blonder in the sunlight. He looks young. Younger than usual. Beautiful. 

After a few minutes of admiring them he watches Buck’s eyes open groggily and search around the living room before landing on Eddie and he gives Eddie a sleepy smile. Eddie returns the smile before walking over, sitting on the edge of the coffee table, and leaning down to kissing Chris’s forehead, hyper aware of how close he is to Buck. When he sits back up Buck smiles and whispers a good morning to Eddie, quietly so as not to wake Chris and places a hand on Eddie’s knee. 

His hand is warm, big and warm. His thumb rubbing Eddie’s kneecap gently. They sit like that for a few moments, silently. They make eye contact for a brief moment before Buck moves his hand. Eddie reaches over and runs his hand through Buck’s hair before allowing his hand to rest on the side of Buck’s neck. Buck smiles up at him, sleepily, before Eddie removes his hand and stands to go make breakfast. 

Josephine comes to pick up Chris shortly after breakfast to go to the museum and sleep over. Eddie and Buck are both off and have the entire day to do nothing. They hang out and spend time together throughout the day. 

They decided to go to Buck’s favorite restaurant for lunch. They enjoyed each other’s company and when the bill came, the waitress had written her phone number on Buck’s receipt. Buck blushed a bright red color and Eddie felt a pang of jealousy flare up. He reasoned with himself that Buck was single and that if he wanted to call the waitress that was his business. He walked out to the car as Buck went to talk to the waitress. Eddie climbed into the front seat and after a minute Buck comes walking out, smiling when he makes eye contact with Eddie. Eddie hates how lightheaded he feels when Buck smiles at him. After Buck climbs in the car Eddie attempts to be supportive. 

“So gonna plan a date with the cute waitress?” The words feeling like vitriol in his mouth as he forces a smile. 

“Nah. I told her I was already taken.” The smile he shoots at Eddie after saying it makes Eddie’s stomach drop. 

“Uhhh Buck? You’re single.”

“Technically. But I’d rather spend time with my two best boys,” he adds with a wink before continuing, “ya know? You and Chris.”

It’s not fair. It’s not fair how easily Buck can make Eddie fall further in love with him. He tries, but fails, to not let himself read into Buck saying he’d rather spend time with himself and Chris. Tries not to think about Buck calling them “his boys”. Tries not to think about if Buck meant it in the way Eddie wishes he did. 

Later that night as they’re laying on the couch Eddie notices Buck is drifting off. He yawns and reaching up to rub his shoulder for a second. Eddie notices and sees this as an excuse to touch Buck. 

“Buck, is your shoulder bothering you?”

“A little. I think I strained it at work, it’s been sore for a couple days.”

“Would you mind if I rubbed it? You don’t have to, obviously, but maybe I’d be able to help ease it?”

Buck smirks slightly before turning his back to Eddie. He leans back a little to allow Eddie easier access. Eddie starts gently massaging his shoulder starting from the joint and working his way in towards his neck. Buck’s skin is soft, Eddie can feel him relax under his grasp. Eddie fights the urge to lean in and place a kiss where his fingers are working the muscle. He’s not sure Buck would say anything if he did. After a few minutes Eddie stops but Buck doesn’t move away from him. Eddie moves forward and leans his forehead at the top of Buck’s spine, where it meets his neck. The sit in silence like this for a while. Buck moves his hand to rest on Eddie’s leg. The tv drones on in the background, neither one of them actively paying attention. Eddie sits up and breaks the silence first. 

“You’re tired and have been drinking so you’re welcome to stay here but I’m not sure the couch would be good for your shoulder and Chris’s bed is too short for you so if you wanted to sleep in my bed, um, with me, you’re, uh, welcome to…”

“Yea. Yea that would be nice. Thanks Eddie.” 

Buck gives him a soft smile as he says it and Eddie has to use all his willpower once again to not do something. Eddie reaches up and softly caresses Buck’s cheekbone before dropping his hand and walking off to his room to grab Buck a change of clothes. Eddie’s changes and climbs in the bed. After a few minutes Buck returns wearing Eddie’s clothes. The shirt fitting much tighter on Buck than Eddie. Buck climbs in the other side. Buck falls asleep shortly after climbing into the bed while Eddie lays awake thinking about all of the soft smiles he saw from Buck today. He can’t help but think about Buck’s sleepy smile as Eddie ran his fingers through his hair and left his hand on Buck’s neck while they made eye contact. 

He thinks about what would happen if Buck felt the same way he did. He knows it won’t happen. It’s wishful thinking of his part. But there’s some part of him that still hopes it was true. He thinks about if he could turn over right now and tell Buck how he feels and imagines Buck feeling the same. But he doesn’t. He lays there until he falls asleep. Silently.


	5. Chapter 5

Since Eddie’s known him Buck’s been affectionate and tactile. He never avoids touches or hugging and oftentimes Eddie finds Buck curling up to him on the couch while watching a movie, or at the firehouse. But this morning is different. When Eddie wakes up it’s to Buck’s head on his chest and his arms wrapped securely aground Eddie’s torso, their legs entwined under the blankets. Buck is still sleeping peacefully, warm. His body is so warm against Eddie and Eddie never wants to move. Never wants Buck to move. Eddie runs his hand through Buck’s hair and notices goosebumps on Buck’s arm from the movement. Eddie lays one hand on Buck’s bicep and the other continues the motion of running his hand through Buck’s hair, closing his eyes, and silently enjoying this peaceful moment. Buck wakes up and whispers good morning as he leans into Eddie’s hand. They lay like that for a little while longer before Buck breaks the silence. 

“…thank you.”

“For what, Buck?”

“For this. For everything. For inviting me into your family- you and Chris. For being there. I just…thank you.”

Eddie has nothing to say to it. He feels too much. If he was bolder, he’d tell Buck he loved him right now. Buck and his beautiful blue eyes, soft skin, blond hair all highlighted in the sunlight. Buck always looks younger in the morning sun. Beautiful. Eddie needs to at least say or do something to show he feels the same. Thankful that Buck is here. Grateful for Buck. He holds him tighter. Wraps his arms around Buck’s shoulders, and places a lingering kiss to his temple. He can’t tell him right now. He can’t ruin this moment they have. 

Buck moves closer until his head is between Eddie’s neck and shoulder. Eddie can feel his breathing on his collarbone. He wishes this moment would never end. Eddie holds Buck closer. Shifts so Buck can be more comfortable while they hold each other. After a few moments Buck whispers a noncommittal excuse before sitting up. He looks over at Eddie, reaches down and brushes his thumb across Eddie’s cheekbone, and down to the corner of his lip before smiling and standing up. 

Buck stands and stretches his arms up over his head. Eddie watches as goosebumps form on his stomach in the cool morning air before he walks out of the room to the bathroom. Eddie lays in bed, unmoving, trying not to think about the meaning of all of this. Tries not to think about Buck putting his face in Eddie’s neck. Tries not to think about Buck leaning into Eddie’s hand. Tries not to think about Buck sitting up and brushing his finger against Eddie’s cheekbone and down to his lip. Tries not to think about Buck cuddling into him all morning. 

Tries not to think about the fact that this meant nothing to Buck. 

He stands up and walks to the kitchen to get their breakfast ready. Buck walks in and runs his hand across Eddie’s back as he walks past and grabs items to set the table. After they eat, Buck grabs his clothes and heads out to his place to shower and get ready for their shift at 3. After Buck leaves Eddie catches up on laundry, showers, cleans up the house and after lunch he goes and watches tv on the couch. 

He sits on the couch and glances at where Buck usually sits. Sees Buck holding Christopher to his chest as they both nod off. The way he holds Chris to him when Chris wakes him up on the couch in the morning. The way he is so protective of Chris. The way he would do anything for Eddie’s son. Buck has come over in the middle of the night because Chris had a nightmare and wanted to see Buck. Buck has been there for Eddie and Chris more times than he can count. 

Eddie knows he’s in love with Buck. He knows it can’t be stopped. And he knows that if he tells Buck, and Buck doesn’t feel the same, he’d never treat them differently. Except he wouldn’t hold him anymore. He wouldn’t lay next to him. It would change. Buck would still be there. But there would be an imaginary boundary that wasn’t there before. And Eddie doesn’t want that. 

But Eddie knows he has to tell him. For his own peace of mind. He’s going to do it. Chris will be at Josephine’s house again so he can invite Buck over and tell him then. And he’ll deal with the consequences of Buck not loving him back when it comes. 

Eddie packs his bag for work and heads out. Driving over, giving himself a pep talk when he pulls up at the station. He takes a deep breath and gets his bag and gets out of the car. Silently.


	6. Chapter 6

He walks into the station and Buck stands in the locker room shirtless talking to one of the other firefighters while changing into his uniform. As he laughs, a hearty flush spreads from his face down his chest. His shoulders are relaxed and his smile wide. Eddie can’t help but watch silently and fall further in love. 

Hen snaps him out of his trance telling him to get changed and that lunch is served. He walks into the locker room while the other firefighter steps out, leaving him alone with Buck. 

He needs to make a move. Say something. He leans in and knocks his shoulder against Buck and smiles. Buck sends him an easy smile back. Their rapport is so easy. So natural. There’s nothing forced about it. He takes a breath and:

“So Chris is gonna-“  
“I was wondering-“

They speak at the same time. Eddie stops and looks at Buck, motioning for him to speak first. Buck takes a breath and says: 

“I was gonna see if you and Chris maybe wanted to come over tomorrow night? Unless you have plans then that’s fine too of course. I know we’ve spent a lot of time hanging out so I’d understand if you wanted a break...”

Is Buck...rambling? He sounds nervous to be asking. But he asked Eddie over. To hang out. Together. With Chris of course but Chris will be gone. Now’s his chance. 

“I’d love to. But Chris is staying at Josephine’s tomorrow night is it still cool if I come? Alone?”

“That’s more than fine! We can hang out and have some beers and stay up past our bedtime.”

Buck says it in a joking tone with a wink but he looks excited. He’s always happy to hang out with Chris and it warms his heart that he invited him too. But he seems more excited for it to be the two of them. Eddie would be lying if he said he didn’t feel the same way. 

Their shift passes as usual with a handful of call outs. Nothing serious. A couple of falls and having to help with a couple of pranksters and the consequence to whatever they were doing this time. But nothing serious enough. 

When the shift ends, Eddie showers and changes at home and heads over to Buck’s. He pep talks himself in the car. He’s going to do it. He’s going to tell Buck he loves him. That he’s in love with him. And hope he feels the same way. 

When he knocks on the door his stomach twists in knots. Maybe he can’t do it. When he opens the door Buck’s wearing a soft pink sweater and his smile is so bright Eddie thinks his heart may implode. And maybe he’s crazy, but Buck just...checked him out? But it’s more likely that he’s crazy. Buck wouldn’t check him out. Buck doesn’t think of Eddie like that.   
They eat dinner and Eddie helps Buck clean up. He’s loading the dishwasher when he decides to just do it. Get it done. He turns around from the dishes and before he can say anything Buck steps forward and puts his hands on Eddie’s waist and leans in kissing him. 

Eddie can’t react. He can’t move. He can’t breathe. His brain shorts out. Buck moves back quickly and begins spluttering out a litany of apologies and excuses. His face is bright red and he’s standing as far back from Eddie as he can get. Eddie’s brain finally catches up and he steps forward, one hand cupping the back of Buck’s neck and kissing him. It doesn’t take long for Buck to come to his senses and kiss back. 

There’s no fireworks. No banners. No Disney princess moment. But it feels right. Kissing Buck feels like he’s finally caught his breath for the first time. Kissing Buck feels like home. Feels like this was what was meant to be done.

Buck’s hands are on his waist pulling him as close as possible while Eddie’s other hand comes to rest on his bicep. They pull apart and Eddie rests his forehead against Buck’s. Both of them with their eyes closed. Breathing into the silence. 

“I love you.”

Eddie’s the first to break the silence. That wasn’t what he meant to say. And judging by Buck’s reaction, that wasn’t what he was expecting to hear. Buck’s eyes shoot open. Eddie never noticed the yellow ring surrounding his pupil. Buck’s mouth opens and closes a few times. But Eddie continues while he still has the nerve. Before Buck pushes him away and he doesn’t have the chance. 

“I love you. I’m in love with you. And I have been for a while. Since the lawsuit actually when you were gone and I wanted nothing more than to call you and I- I just...I’m in love with you, Evan.”

Buck leans in and captures his lips in a soft kiss. He didn’t push him away. Didn’t get scared. 

“I’m in love with you too, Eddie. Since the tsunami. Seeing you reunited with Chris and I realized that there was nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you both safe. But I was so scared to tell you. Scared you’d push me away or not want me around. I didn’t wanna lose you or Chris so I- I kept it secret but I love you Eddie. So much.”

“I would never push you away. Chris and I love you too much to ever lose you, Buck.”

They kiss again briefly before hugging like the other night. Talking without speaking. Holding each other as tight as they can like it’s the only thing they were meant to do. Like if they keep holding on it will make up for all the time they lost where they could’ve been together. This time neither one of them breaking it. And not ashamed of it. They’re in love. Buck whispers into Eddie’s neck: 

“But just because I love you doesn’t mean you can call me Evan” 

Eddie laughs before quickly kissing him again and then pulling him towards the couch. 

“I believe we still have a movie to watch, Evan.”

Eddie winks at him while Buck rolls his eyes but follows Eddie. Because Buck would follow Eddie anywhere. Eddie lays on the sofa and pull Buck down on top of him and kisses him one more time, cupping the back of Buck’s neck, before they situate themselves. The sofa was a little too small for them. Apparently it wasn’t built with two 6’ plus, 190 pound men to be cuddling on it. But they’ll make do. 

They lay on the sofa with Buck on Eddie’s chest and his arm wrapped securely around him. Eddie runs one hand through Buck’s short blond hair as he feels Buck’s heart beat against his side. Buck’s breathing evens out, he’s asleep. Eddie lays there thinking. This time he’s not thinking about Buck not feeling the same way he did. He thinks about Buck telling him he loves him. He shifts so he can look at Buck. His eyelashes fanned across his cheeks. Buck adjusts, putting his head back into Eddie’s neck before he places a kiss to his collarbone and resettles. Eddie holds him tighter before he falls asleep in Buck’s arms. They’re together. For real. They’re in love. But this time things are different. This time they don’t have to love each other silently.


	7. Chapter 7

Buck wakes up first. Wrapped in Eddie’s arm with his face in Eddie’s neck. He takes a deep breath, settling into his arms further, tossing his right leg over Eddie’s legs. Eddie began shifting underneath him, Buck leans in and whispers he loves him into Eddie’s throat, feeling him shiver from the warm air. He smiles against him before kissing his neck. Next thing he knows Eddie’s holding him tighter and rolling them off the couch. 

Buck lands first with Eddie on top of him, smiling- the smug bastard. Buck laughs before leaning up to kiss Eddie, placing his hands on Eddie’s hips. After a few minutes they break apart, Eddie smiling down at Buck. He’s so beautiful. He’s white teeth shining, brown eyes glowing in the light of the tv, his brown hair longer than he’s been wearing it. Buck forgot he’d been staring until Eddie smiles and breaks the silence. 

“What are you looking at?”

You. The man I’m in love with. The man I want to hold for the rest of my life. Forever. I’m looking at the most beautiful man. With an even better heart. The father of the kid that I love more than anything. The man that I love more than anything. But that’s too much right now. 

“Your pretty smile.”

There’s that smile again. The smile that made Buck notice him the first day he started at the 118. The smile that he gave Buck after the tsunami, when he found Christopher. The smile that Buck fell in love with. Buck wraps his arms around Eddie’s waist and pulls him in for a kiss. To taste that smile that he’s loved for so long. He doesn’t have to hide it anymore. 

When they break apart Eddie stands and pulls Buck up. Before Eddie can say anything Buck speaks up:

“Would you want to spend the night? I know it’s not the first time but it’s the first time since…you know, and if you’re not comfortable I totally understand…”

“Buck…Buck, hey, look at me,” Eddie brushes his thumb across his cheekbone before resting it on the side of his neck and cradling his jaw, “of course I want to spend the night.”

Buck smiles and climbs the stairs to get Eddie a change of clothes. Eddie heads to the bathroom to change while Buck changes upstairs. As Eddie walks back up the stairs he reflects on what happened. Buck loves him. Buck in love with him too. As he reaches the top of the stairs he finds Buck shirtless and wearing a pair of shorts. Eddie almost feels like he can’t stare, he’s so used to hiding his feelings. 

Buck smirks when he sees Eddie looking. He puts down the blanket he had begun pulling back and walks around the bed towards Eddie. 

“Like what you see?”

It feels so foreign but so natural at the same time. He doesn’t respond. As soon a Buck gets within arms reach, Eddie reaches out and grabs Buck by the waist, pulling him closer before kissing him. His skin is warm under Eddie’s fingers. Buck moves his hands up to cup Eddie’s jaw before slowly pulling Eddie backwards until Buck sits down on the mattress. Eddie kneels so he’s straddling Buck’s legs. They continue on for a little while before climbing under the covers and getting comfortable. Eddie moves towards Buck and curls up against his chest. Buck wraps his arms around Eddie, pressing a kiss to his forehead while they fall into a comfortable silence. After a few minutes, Eddie assumed Buck had fallen asleep as he felt his heart rate slowdown until he spoke up. 

“Can I tell you something?”

“Sure, Buck. Anything.”

“I didn’t know how tonight was gonna go. When you said Chris wasn’t coming I was excited to be alone with you. And when I opened the door you just looked so beautiful and during dinner I spent every second I could staring at you and trying not to get caught. And we were doing the dishes and I didn’t plan for that to happen but you turned around and…I had to. I couldn’t wait any longer and- and you said you loved me and I’m just really really happy to have you right now and that we can be here.”

Before Eddie says anything he leans up and kisses Buck, softly. As he pulls back Buck leans forwards, chasing his lips before succeeding in another kiss. Eddie kisses his nose and pulls back to speak. 

“You know when I turned around while doing the dishes, I was turning around to tell you I’m in love with you. But guess you beat me to the punch there.” 

Buck laughs and smiles up at him. They share another soft kiss before Eddie lays his head back on Buck’s chest. After a minute he speaks up again. 

“You know this means we have to break it to the 118 and Chris now, right?”

“Yea. But that can wait until later. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Buck.”

They laid there until they fell asleep. Wrapped together in each other’s arms silently. .


	8. Chapter 8

They woke up early the next morning, Eddie having to leave to get Christopher from his aunt’s house. He untangled himself from Buck’s grip and sat on the edge of the bed. Only to feel Buck’s arms snake around his waist and his warm, muscular chest pressed against his back. He closed his eyes and let his head fall back onto Buck’s shoulder. Buck turns his face into Eddie’s neck before whispering:

“This could be a great morning if you crawled back in bed with me ya know?”

Before peppering kisses on the side of Eddie’s neck. 

“Don’t threaten me with a good time. You know I have to go get Chris this morning. Are we still on for lunch to tell Chris?”

Eddie can feel Buck’s smile into his neck before he mumbles a yes. The warm air and vibrations cause Eddie to shiver and get goosebumps. Buck leans back and smiles triumphantly, clearly content with the reaction he got. Eddie rolls his eyes and stands, collecting his clothes and moving downstairs, Buck in tow. Buck, who, to Eddie’s enjoyment, is still shirtless and looking sleepy and groggy. As Eddie reaches for his keys Buck’s swipes them from the counter, and holds them behind his back. Walks up to his and, placing both hands on Buck’s bare waist, leans into kiss him. Buck relaxes in his grip and, while his guard is down, Eddie grabs the keys from his hand. Eddie steps back smug to enjoy the look of betrayal on Buck’s face before turning and grabbing the door handle. He leans in and kisses Buck one more time. 

“I love you, Evan.”

He adds extra emphasis on the name and watches as Buck looks betrayed once again while swinging open the door and walking out. He’s walking on air the entire way to his car. After he climbs into his car, his phone pings with a text from Buck. 

From Buckaroo, 8:42am: “you left before I could say I love you too EDMUNDO >:)”

To Buckaroo, 8:42am: “baby it’s only cute when I do it just so you know;)”

Eddie smiles and pulls out of the lot to go pick up Chris and take him home to get him changed. 

Buck leans against the door. Eddie called him baby. And he didn’t hate it. He never was one for pet names, but he also never was one for liking men either. Guess Eddie changes things. Buck smiles to himself before walking upstairs to change and get ready for lunch with his boys. His boys. He said it in the car the other day but now it has new meaning. He smiles the entire time as he gets ready. 

Around 11:45 he shoots a text to Eddie letting him know he’s on the way. They agreed on no kissing until after they’ve gotten Chris’s opinion and, hopefully, approval. He gets there a few minutes later and walks up to the door. Eddie and Chris answer shortly after he knocks and Chris is immediately in his arms. Chris excitedly talks to Buck about lunch and going to the museum after. He just went a couple days ago but he enjoyed it so much he begged his dad to take him again. 

As Chris goes to grab his jacket and anything else he needs, Buck walks over and wraps Eddie in a tight hug whispering I love you into his neck. He smiles at Eddie’s blush as Eddie whispers it back to him. Chris crutches over to them and Buck sweeps him up and they’re halfway out the door by the time Eddie realizes. He follows after them, locking the doors and getting in the car while Buck puts Chris in his booster seat.

On the way there Eddie decides to broach the topic. He starts simple. 

“So Chris, you know how sometimes when two people love each other they start dating?”

“Yea dad.”

“Well you know how two boys can love each other and date right?”

And Chris, blessedly smart for his age decides to stop Eddie’s beating around the bush, “Dad are you dating Buck?”

Buck lets out a laugh while Eddie just glares over at him. When Buck finally regains his composure Eddie speaks again. 

“Yea Buddy I am. How do you feel about that?”

“I love Buck dad. Is he gonna he my other dad?”

Buck’s ears turn pink as his blush spreads down his cheeks. Eddie decides to answer. 

“Well buddy it’s still really new so we don’t know but Buck is always gonna be your Buck.”

“Yea pal. No matter what I still love you and I’ll still stick around for you.”

It’s reassuring to Eddie that even if something happens between them that Buck will still be there for Chris. It’s even more reassuring that Chris loves Buck as much as he does. It’s the only reason he felt okay to have Buck there when he told Chris and ask how he felt about them dating. 

Lunch and the museum went great. Eddie and Buck walked through the museum hand in hand, Chris crutching ahead of them until he got tired and rode on Buck’s back pointing out exhibits he liked and thought were cool. It felt so domestic. So natural. Eddie stood back for a minute and watched Buck pretend to be a rocket ship as he “took off” down the hall with Captain Chris in control. And yea, he couldn’t love Buck anymore. 

Buck stayed for dinner and he and Chris played with his toys afterwards while Eddie cleaned up. Buck got Chris ready for bed and put him down while Eddie finished up. He walked into the kitchen where Eddie was doing the dishes and placed his hands on Eddie’s hips, pressing his chest against Eddie’s back. He rests his chin on Eddie’s shoulder and sways them slightly to some silent rhythm playing in his head. Eddie relaxes into his touch, relishing the warmth of Buck. He turns around in Buck’s arms and wraps his arms around Buck’s shoulders, as Buck’s arms come to wrap around his waist. They’re still swaying to a song only Buck can hear. They stand in the kitchen for a while like this. 

Soon Buck leaves and Eddie climbs into his bed at the end of the day. Content. Everything seems to have added up just right. He falls asleep thinking about Buck and seeing him tomorrow at work. Thinks about how in love with Buck he is. Thinks about how happy he is with his little family. 

Buck falls asleep thinking the same thing from his bed silently.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Twitter at @alloeeeeee (6 e’s) :)

The next day Eddie walks into work and sees Buck shirtless in the locker room again. His back is turned to Eddie so Eddie takes this as an opportunity. He silently walks into the locker room and up behind Buck and puts his hands on Buck’s bare waist. Buck jumps and flips around to glare at Eddie. 

“Haven’t you ever heard that you’re not supposed to touch the art Eddie?” Buck says with a smirk. 

Eddie wants to make some sarcastic comment about how “I’m not touching art I’m touching you” but instead he opts for a more genuine comment as he walks to his locker and starts to change. 

“You’re right. You’re too valuable to be touched by just anybody.”

Buck’s eyes take on the same softness they do when Chris calls him his Buck. Before Eddie can say anything Buck walks over, still shirtless, and wraps his arms around Eddie, kissing his neck gently before pulling back and whispering an “I love you” to Eddie. They need to tell everyone soon because they’ve been here for five minutes and can barely keep their hands off each other. They finish changing, sneaking glances here and there, then head upstairs where everyone else is. Everyone’s sitting on the couches talking and catching up and Eddie and Buck realize this is the ideal time to spill. Buck sits on the couch and lays his arm across the back while Eddie sidles up next to him laying a hand on Buck’s knee as Buck calls for everyone’s attention. 

“So we wanted to tell you guys now. Eddie and I are dating.”

They both hold for reactions. Neither knowing what to expect. What they didn’t expect was the lack of reaction. Hen breaks the silence. 

“Haven’t you two love birds been dating?”

Chimney nods his head in agreement before adding, “Maddie and I thought you guys got together ages ago.”

Buck and Eddie share a mutual look of confusion. Did everyone think they were together? Did everyone know except them?

Bobby chimes in, “It’s pretty obvious y’all have liked each other for a while. Hanging out all the time outside of work. Making plans in the truck. Practically coparenting Chris. We all just assumed.”

Eddie finally speaks up, “Uh no I guess we finally got our shit together a few days ago…”

Buck looks almost dumbfounded. He makes eye contact with chimney before saying, “Go set the record straight with Maddie. I can tell you’re itching to.”

Chimney jumps up, saying, “Thanks Buckaroo. And for what it’s worth, we’re all really happy you two finally got your shit together. It’s what you both deserve.”

Everyone else nods in agreement while Hen looks over at them with a big smile. Eddie and Buck look at each other. How were they so oblivious. Looking back, it was pretty obvious to both of them now that they know. But hindsight is 20/20. 

Bobby walks up to them and sits across from them on the coffee table. He begins saying, “Now that you two are together we’re gonna talk work PDA. No sex in this house. No making out everywhere. And I’m looking at you Buck more than I am at Eddie here when I say DON’T try and challenge the rules and push your luck.”

Eddie’s wars turn read and Buck smirks and says, “like this?” Before capturing Eddie’s lips in a kiss. Eddie falls in for a second before pulling back and punching Buck’s arm. 

“Hey! Guess Bobby should add no domestic abuse in this house either.” Eddie rolls his eyes while Buck gives him a smug grin. Bobby just rolls his eyes and stands up, walking behind Buck and knocking him in the head as he passes. 

“Hey!” Buck says as he rubs the back of his head. 

Eddie stands up and walks over to the kitchen. The alarm blares and they’re off to an emergency. They run to the locker room to dress into their gear quickly and run out to the truck. Buck jumps in just before Eddie and leans out to give him a quick kiss before stepping in so Eddie can climb in after. 

After their shift is over Buck comes over and falls asleep with his head in Eddie’s lap, Chris snuggled into Buck’s side. Warm. Safe. Eddie reflects over how lucky he is. He has a beautiful and resilient son. He has a job that he loves. The 118 has become a second family to him. And Buck. He has Buck. Strong, brave, protective, beautiful. Buck who would do anything for his son. Buck who protected Chris during the tsunami and never gave up trying to find him. He’s so in love with him. 

He leans down and places a kiss to Buck’s forehead then runs his fingers through Buck’s hair. He’s content, his boys are safe and they’re all here, at home. He begins drifting off silently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a bunch more chapters too and I’m writing more whenever I get the inspiration


	10. Chapter 10

Several months later Buck and Eddie are preparing lunch for the whole family. Maddie and Chimney, Bobby and Athena along with Michael, Harry and May, Hen and Karen with Nia and Denny, and Chris. They decided to host a lunch together at Eddie’s house for Maddie’s birthday. Since her birthday is still a couple weeks out, she has no idea it’s actually a party and not just lunch. Everyone showed up 15 minutes early to hide the gifts in Eddie’s bedroom. 

Chimney shows up on time with Maddie, who’s confused as to why everyone else was so early, but doesn’t question it. Buck is the first to sweep her into a hug, lifting her as he does so. Eddie stands back watching Buck interact with his sister before setting her down and grabbing Chris. With Chris in his arms Buck walks over to Eddie and kisses him gently as Chris begins squirming to get away. Buck leans down to set his back on the floor and watches as he crutches away towards Denny and Harry before Buck turns back to Eddie and leans in to kiss him again quickly. 

Athena and Maddie join the two of them in the kitchen, asking if they can help but Eddie and Buck usher them back out. Especially Maddie. They don’t want the surprise ruined. Once the food is out everyone serves themselves and sits around talking about catching up. Eddie sits with his arm slung around Buck’s shoulders after they finished eating. Once everyone was done and the dishes were in the kitchen Buck stands to announce the purpose of dinner. 

“Alright now everyone here except one person knows what today’s lunch was about. Maddie can you come here.”

As Maddie looks confused and walks up to Buck, Eddie walks into the kitchen and grabs the cake and walks back out. Chimney is sitting in the back filming, looking happy. Eddie thinks about the Buckley siblings as he walks over and how happy they both look right now. Buck leads everyone in singing happy birthday while Maddie beams at everyone, tears gathering in her eyes. After she blows out the candles Eddie leaves her with chimney and Buck while he cuts the cake and plates the pieces. After a minute Maddie walks into the kitchen and smiles at him. 

“Thank you Eddie.” She says as she walks over and wraps her arms around him. She’s smaller than Buck but she hugs the same way. Tightly and with her entire body. 

Eddie hugs her back as he says, “It was all Chimney and Buck’s idea. I’m just a pawn in their scheme.”

She laughs before saying, “I mean for everything. Seeing how happy Buck is the last few months has been so great. He had a rough childhood and had to grow up really fast. I know it took a while for y’all to get here but thank you for taking care of him. You and Chris are everything he needed.”

It’s Eddie’s turn to tear up as he wraps his arms around Maddie. Buck walks in sees them and walks over, wrapping his arms around them both, sandwiching Maddie between himself and Eddie. Once they release her she reaches for plates to hand out with cake which Buck takes from her and pushes until she’s sitting on the couch with Chimney not working. After cake, Buck and Eddie go and grab the presents. 

Maddie opens presents, looking thoroughly overwhelmed. And they all hang around for several hours after. Once everyone’s gone Eddie and Buck clean up, Chris went to sleep over and Denny’s afterwards, leaving them alone for the night.   
As they climb in bed Buck gives Eddie a big smile. 

“Thanks for today. For every day. But Maddie looked so happy. She deserves that.”

Eddie chokes up for the second time today and kisses Buck. “She’s not the only one who deserves happiness.” 

“So what were y’all talking about earlier in the kitchen. You had years in your eyes as you hugged her.”

“You. She thanked me for taking care of you. Said you had a rough childhood and that you had to grow up fast. She thanked me for bringing you into my family with Chris.”

Buck tenses slightly at the mention of his rough childhood and growing up. But he relaxes after a minute and kisses Eddie before saying, “She’s right. I did. But it made me who I am. A firefighter. And because of that I met you. I wouldn’t change what happened to me because it’s the reason we’re here where we are now.”

Eddie doesn’t even hide the tears now. He rolls onto Buck and kisses him. Wrapping his hand around the back of Buck’s neck to pull him closer. Buck slides his hands up under the hem of Eddie’s shirt and places holds him by the waist. Eddie pulls away and tells Buck he loves him before laying his head on Buck’s chest. Buck places a kiss to the top of Eddie’s head and holds him close. They lay like that until they fall asleep in each other’s arms. Tired but happy. Content to sleep together silently.


	11. Chapter 11

They started the night on the couch with a couple of beers. Eddie isn’t sure how it happened. But now he’s holding a drunk Buck in his lap while they watch tv. Buck keeps turning away from the tv to snuggle into Eddie which is very distracting. Buck adjusts so he’s laying with his head in Eddie’s lap and is staring up at Eddie with a look of wonder on his face. Eddie glances down, asking what Buck’s staring at like that. 

Buck, with tears in his eyes starts, “You’re so pretty. With your pretty brown eyes and soft brown hair.” He clumsily reaches up to touch Eddie’s hear while Eddie lets him, bemused by his rambling as he continues, “I think about you all the time and I sleep better with you. There’s less nightmares and even where there are I feel safe because I have you next to me.” 

Eddie begins getting choked up. He doesn’t have time to respond before Buck speaks again, “I love you so much Eddie. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry because I hurt you and I can’t turn it back and fix it.”

“Buck, what are you talking about? You didn’t hurt me.”

“I did. With that stupid lawsuit-“

“We’re way past that. That was hard on both of us. But we’re past it Buck. It’s all forgiven.”

“I’m not. It’s not all forgiven. I hurt you and I hurt Chris. But you still love me and you want me around and Chris does too. I just don’t know if I deserve it.” His voice is small with tears still in his eyes. Eddie wants to make him feel better, to make him forgive himself. Even if he knows that’s not possible. 

Eddie moves so Buck’s head is on a pillow while Eddie kneels next to the couch and grabs Buck’s hand, staring him in the eye, “ Buck, I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time. I’ve loved you at least since the lawsuit was happening. The lawsuit never changed that. If anything it made me appreciate the time I could talk to you more. And who knows? Maybe had the lawsuit not have happened I wouldn’t have realized how much I loved you as more than just my best friend. You’re right, it did hurt. I won’t lie and tell you it didn’t. But Buck, that doesn’t change my feelings or Chris. Watching you interact with Chris has made me love you so much more.” 

Buck has tears streaming down his face as he clumsily leans forward to kiss Eddie. Eddie kisses him back while climbing onto the couch on top of him. They won’t get further than this while Buck’s drunk but for now they can enjoy it. Eddie tries desperately to show Buck that he meant what he said as he pushes his hand under the bottom hem of his shirt to press his hand against Buck’s skin. Buck kisses fervently back as he moves his hands to Eddie’s waist. When they pull apart Eddie whispers a soft “I love you” into the space between them. 

The words resonate in Buck’s mind. Swirling through his mind before traveling to his chest and wrapping around his heart. He’s too drunk to think clearly but he knows one thing: Eddie loves him. Eddie forgives him. Maybe it’s time he forgave himself. 

Eddie stands and pulls Buck up, wrapping his arm around Buck’s waist to help support his weight as they move towards the stairway and up to Buck’s bed. They brush their teeth and strip to their boxers before climbing into bed. Buck immediately curls into Eddie on the bed while Eddie wraps his arms around Buck and holds him tightly. Eddie realizes they’ll need to talk more in the morning about Buck holding onto the feelings he has. But for now he’s content to lay with Buck safe and warm in his arms. 

Eddie wakes up first, Buck turned away from him with his back pressed against Eddie’s side. Eddie removes his arm from under Buck’s head and throws on a pair of sweats before walking downstairs and getting a glass of water and some Tylenol ready for Buck and then starting on breakfast. As he’s finishing the eggs, a hungover Buck walks downstairs wearing nothing but a pair of shorts. Eddie admires the view as he walks to the counter and takes the Tylenol, draining the glass in the process. Eddie gives him a little smile as he climbs on the barstool and slumps over the counter, putting his head down onto his arms. He sits up as Eddie slides a plate of eggs his way and begins eating in silence. Eddie picks up his coffee cup and moves to sit next to Buck. After a few minutes Eddie breaks the silence. 

“You know I’m not mad about the lawsuit? Right? You’re completely forgiven?”

Buck looks up from his eggs, squinting slightly in the bright sun streaming through the windows into his apartment. He momentarily makes eye contact with Eddie before looking back down and mumbling, “so that conversation wasn’t a dream.”

“No it wasn’t. And you didn’t answer my question.”

Buck sighs before speaking, still avoiding looking Eddie in the eye, “I guess I just don’t think it should be that easy. I know I’ve apologized and I know you’ve forgiven me but I just haven’t forgiven myself for hurting you and Chris and everyone else.”

“Buck, you did what you thought you had to. You didn’t see another option so you took the one that you had. We all see that now. Did it hurt at the time? Of course. But baby it’s over. It can’t be taken back or changed. Suffering over it won’t change that. But I meant what I told you last night. Without the lawsuit, I don’t know how long it would’ve taken me to figure out I was in love with you, if I ever figured it out. So yes it hurt. But without that lawsuit, I can’t say for sure we’d be here right now.”

Eddie moves so he can wrap Buck in a hug, cupping the back of his head, feeling Buck’s arms wrap around him and hold him tight. They sit like that for what feels like hours. Eddie turns his head and places a kiss to Buck’s temple before releasing him. Wiping Buck’s eyes as they pull away. 

“Thank you Eddie. I love you.”

“I love you more.”

Eddie moves back to his original position in the chair, cradling his cup of coffee in his head, sneaking glances at Buck. Every time he caught Buck looking at him he watched a flush tinge his cheekbones and he smiled shyly and turned back to his eggs. Buck isn’t perfect. Eddie isn’t either. But that’s what makes them work so well. Their imperfections complement each other. Eddie smiles over his coffee while watching Buck. They finish cleaning up before going and climbing back in bed. They’re both off for the day which means they can spend as long as they want holding each other in bed silently.


	12. Chapter 12

He felt the pounding in his head and screams from around him. Gunshots ringing out in the air around him as he scrambles through the dirt to safety or at least a safer place. Eddie looks down to find blood caked onto his army uniform. He sees his buddy yelling something from fifty meters away but his voice is lost in the thrumming of his heart and the din around him. He’s watching as the bodies hit the ground around him. He panics as he reaches for the picture of Christopher in his breast pocket. Except it’s gone. He frantically looks around for it. He can’t leave without it. But the pounding in his head won’t stop as he searches for the picture while bodies continue to drop. 

He awakes with a start and drenched in sweat, throat hoarse from yelling in his sleep. He sits up and curls up with his back against the headboard looking for something solid to anchor him. Chris is at Abuela’s so at least he knows he didn’t wake him up. The nightmares have been less frequent since he first came back, but they haven’t stopped. It’s been a while since his last one. 

Buck. Eddie has the overwhelming urge to call Buck and just hear his voice. He doesn’t even register what he’s doing until the phone is ringing with Buck’s name plastered across the screen. 

“Eddie?” Buck’s voice rings sleepily through the speaker. He sounds so soft in the middle of the night. Eddie knows he’s probably tired but just hearing his voice is like a salve to a fresh burn. Cooling and refreshing. 

“Hey Eddie are you okay?” Eddie can hear Buck moving on the other end. 

“Uh yea. Yea I’m fine. I just needed to hear you voice. Sorry to wake you.” Eddie’s voice cracks as he speaks, still hoarse from yelling. He still hears movement on Buck’s end. After a moment of silence Eddie hears Buck’s front door shut and his keys rattle in the lock. 

“Buck what are you doing?”

“You said you needed to hear my voice so I’m doing you one better. I’ll see you in 10 but I’ll stay on the line until I get there.”

Eddie takes a deep breath, leaning his head back against the headboard. Buck understands having nightmares, waking up from memories of blood and anguish, terrified and unsure of where you are and what’s going on around you. And Eddie’s never felt so understood and heard even when he says nothing at all. And Buck doesn’t question getting woken up in the middle of the night by a call. 

Ten minutes later Eddie hears the front door open and Buck padding softly down the hall. Eddie’s still curled up in a tight ball at the head of the bed when Buck walks into the room wearing a hoodie and sweatpants, his hair curling around his forehead and his eyes looking sleepy. He walks over and sits on the edge of the bed. Careful not to touch Eddie or scare him. Buck slowly leans back so he’s leaning against the head board and quietly begins talking about anything, knowing Eddie benefits from hearing his voice. 

“I’m thinking of taking Chris to the aquarium next week if that’s okay with you. Last time he went he had the best time. He saw a sea turtle and I thought he was gonna die right then and there. Man that’s the cutest kid. And bright as can be. He must get that from his mom because he sure as hell doesn’t get it from you,” he says with a slight smile and a few cursory glances thrown at Eddie to gauge his body language. It’s comforting hearing Buck crack jokes and talk about his kid. Seeing the affection in Buck’s eyes as he talks about Chris is so endearing. Eddie slowly begins to unfurl himself from a ball but still sits reserved on the bed. Buck knows he’s not ready to be touched just yet but he sees it as a good sign as he continues on. 

“And he asked me the other day if I would go do career day with you at his school. I know it’s not until next school year but if you’re alright with it I’d love to go. It really means a lot to me that he’d even ask, it’s comforting knowing he wants me around, you know? I really love that kid.”

Eddie slowly reaches over and holds Buck’s hand as Buck smiles back at him. Eddie moves so he can curl into Buck’s side and Buck wraps his arm around Eddie and holds him closely. After a few minutes of silence Eddie brokenly whispers, “Thank you.” To Buck who just adjusts to hold Eddie tightly before pressing a kiss to his temple. 

“I’ll always be here when you need me. All you have to do is call, you’d do the same for me.”

They lay down so they can both be comfortable, with Eddie pillowing his head on Buck’s chest, letting his steady heartbeat soothe him through the night. He doesn’t sleep much after that but having Buck here in his bed, warm, soft and asleep is more comforting than sleep would be. 

He thinks about how much Buck loves Christopher. How Buck would drop anything to help Chris and knowing how much Chris loves Buck. He thinks about how Buck woke up and drove over in the middle of the night without being asked because Eddie had a nightmare. He thinks about Buck’s strong arms wrapping around him and how safe he feels. He thinks about Buck falling asleep on the couch while holding Chris. He thinks about how Buck gives 120% to anything he tries. 

He thinks about Buck waking up alone in his apartment. He thinks about how often Buck comes over. He thinks about Buck waking up in Eddie’s bed. He thinks about Buck waking up in their bed. About Buck driving to their home. About Buck excitedly coming home to Christopher and Eddie. About Buck cooking dinner in their kitchen before falling asleep on their couch. He thinks about Buck turning Eddie’s home into his home too, their home. 

They’re just under a year into the relationship. Although both of them have been in it for a lot longer, even if it was unspoken and silent originally. Buck wouldn’t have to drive ten minutes in the middle of the night when one of them has a nightmare if he already lived there. His lease is up soon. There’s no better time for Buck to turn Eddie’s home into their home. 

Buck with his soft hair and warm eyes. Gentle kisses and insistent touches sending electricity crackling through Eddie’s veins. Watching how he picks up Christoper, big strong hands covering the expanse of Chris’s back. How much Chris love him too. Watching his eyes soften at a sleeping Chris on the couch, gently moving his hair back from his forehead, before carrying him to bed. Buck took on a more parental role without being asked. Not even a question at all. He cares so much and Eddie’s not sure what he did to deserve Buck and his heart. 

Eddie lays there the rest of the night listening to the steady rhythm of Buck’s heartbeat while he mulls over asking Buck to move in with him. Buck’s warm arms and scent of laundry detergent and sleep comforting him silently.


	13. Chapter 13

A couple weeks later Eddie leaves Chris with Buck for the day while he has a dentist appointment and runs a couple miscellaneous errands. Eddie drops Chris off around 10:30 knowing Buck will appreciate spending the majority of the day with Christopher. When he left they were talking excitedly about the aquarium and what they would do for lunch. Eddie is so damn lucky, he knows that. To have a gorgeous, brave, intelligent boyfriend and the brightest kid. And better yet, they love each other. Buck genuinely loves that kid and would give anything for him. Chris is constantly asking for Buck, wanting him to tell him stories at night, tuck him in, and take him places. It occurs to Eddie every so often how lucky he is, this is one of those times. 

He checks his phone after he leaves the dentist to find a picture from Buck. It’s a selfie of Buck and Chris at the aquarium, Buck’s arm wrapped protectively around Chris while Chris smiles with his arm elbow deep in the touch tank playing with a hermit crab. Buck beams at the camera, white teeth shining and his blue eyes bright. He’s beautiful. Seeing how protective he is of Chris sparks a flame inside Eddie. Strengthens his love for Buck even further. He counts down the hours until he can see his boys again. 

He finishes running his errands and taking care of laundry and cleaning at the house before he heads over to Buck’s. He’s smiling the entire way there thinking of the picture of his boys. Their smiling faces. He parks his truck next to Buck’s jeep and heads up to the door, turning his key and letting himself in. The apartment’s cloaked in darkness, a dim light and giggles coming from the living room. He sets his keys and wallet in the bowl by the door with Buck’s before removing his shoes and walking over. He’s greeted by blankets strung across making a fort in front of the tv. He hears Chris giggling from inside and the sounds of How to Train your Dragon floating though the apartment. 

Chris’s head is pillowed on Buck’s arm with Buck tickling him. Chris giggling hysterically while Buck is relentless, smiling at Chris’s happiness. When Eddie pulls back the sheet they both stop and Chris looks up at Eddie, smiling and wiggling free from Buck’s grasp time hug him. Eddie makes eye contact with Buck over his head, admiring his smile as he smiles his own back at Buck, soft and happy. 

“Dad are you gonna come into our fort with us?”

“I don’t know Chris. You think he’s cool enough?” Buck wiggles his eyebrows and smirks at him. 

Eddie rolls his eyes before speaking in faux-exasperation, “I’m plenty cool enough. I’m not the one who has a Mariah Carey album in his car.”

Buck’s eyes go wide before he exclaims, “Hey Mariah Carey is cool!”

Chris bursts into a fit of giggles at the two of them. Buck’s eyes soften as he leans towards Eddie and whispers, “Maybe neither of us are cool enough to be in the fort.”

Eddie lets out a laugh before climbing all the way in and laying down, sandwiching Chris between the two of them. This fort was barely big enough for Buck and Chris, much less Eddie too. But they maneuver so they’re comfortable. Eddie’s left arm slips under Buck’s head, his right coming up to pillow his own head. Buck’s right arm is cradling Christopher close to him protectively. Eddie thinks for the third time today how damn lucky he really got with these two.   
Eddie can’t help but watch Buck as the movie plays. The way he smiles, the way he laughs. The crinkles that form at the edge of his eyes. Every so often Buck will glance at him, his eyes soft as he smiles at Eddie, happy. When Chris crawls over Eddie to go to the bathroom, insisting he can do it alone, Eddie turns back to Buck who’s smiling and watching Eddie. 

“What a great kid, Eddie. You did a really good job on him.”

“Thanks I’m just glad I’m not the only one he has anymore.” He says while slowly leaning in towards Buck. Buck meets him halfway. Turning onto his side and wrapping a hand around the back of Eddie’s neck to pull him closer. They get completely lost in the kiss and don’t hear Chris walk back up until he’s kneeling on Eddie’s abdomen. Eddie picks him up and lays him back in the middle. He glances at Buck and whispers, “I love you.” As Buck smiles and hits play. 

As the movie ends Chris brushes his teeth and asks to stay. Buck says they both can and moves to make the floor more comfortable for Chris to sleep on after Chris insists on sleeping in the fort. After telling him a story, Buck and Eddie climb the stairs to Buck’s bed. Buck changes into an old SEALS shirt from when he went through training and Eddie steals his LAFD T-shirt for the night before they both climb into the bed. Eddie curls up against Buck, laying his head on Buck’s chest and sighing deeply. Buck wraps his arms around Eddie and holds him tightly against his chest. 

“Whatcha thinkin’ Buck?”

“That I wish this wouldn’t end. That we could just stay here and not have to be apart for however long until we can spend the night together again.”

It’s like he read his mind. Eddie needs to ask now before he loses the nerve. Here goes nothing. 

“Well what if we spent every night together?”

“Eddie if we spent every night together then what would be the point of having separate houses?”

“What if we…didn’t…have separate houses.” He sits up to look at Buck in dark. The windows allowing in enough light from the city to highlight Buck’s bone structure. 

“You mean…like move in together?”

“Yea. I mean only if you’re ready. I know your lease is up soon and we’ve been together for a while now and y’know we work together and spent most of our time together anyways so I was just thinking that maybe it would be easier and cheaper if we just…lived together. But you can say no-“

Buck cut off his rambling by leaning forward and kissing him, holding him close. Eddie reluctantly pulled back and took a minute to let his brain catch up. “So…is that a yes?”

“Of course it’s a yes, Eddie.”

They smile at each other and kiss once more before laying back down and falling asleep. They’re moving in together. They’re starting forever. Tomorrow they’ll talk to Chris and plan the logistics, but for now they lay there content to hold each other and sleep silently.


	14. Chapter 14

A month later they’re moving the last of Buck’s boxes into the living room of their house. Their house. Eddie and Buck. The Buckley-Diaz house. Their home. It feels natural to call it their home. It feels like there was never a time that it wasn’t theirs. Buck leans in and sweeps Eddie up in a kiss picking him up and laying him on the couch- their couch- before stretching across him and kissing him deeper. Eddie’s hands roaming his back, finding the hem of his shirt and slipping his hands under to feel the smooth skin. 

Electricity danced under his fingertips. They’ve been together for a year but it feels fresh. He gets excited to see Buck, butterflies. His heart stops when he sees Buck smile and nothing else exists outside of him. Chris is at Abuela’s for the night so Eddie and Buck have time to move all of Buck’s stuff and get things situated. Most stuff went into storage for the time being until they figure out what they’re going to do with it. 

After a few minutes of heated kisses and tender touches Buck stands and helps Eddie up, wrapping his arms around Eddie in a hug and burrowing his face into Eddie’s neck. 

“Thank you.” He whispered into the sensitive skin sending shivers down Eddie’s spine. 

“For what Buck?”

“For sharing your home with me. I’ve never really had a home before. And now I have a home and a man who loves me and his wonderful kid. I just, thank you.” 

Eddie feels his collar growing wet before he pulls Buck back cradles his face tenderly. “It’s not my home. It’s OUR home, Buck. It’s always been your home, now it’s just official. Buck, you’re family.” 

Eddie leans in and gives him a tender kiss before Buck tucks his face back in his neck and places a soft kiss there. They stand like that for a few minutes holding each other before they finally pull apart and continue unpacking. Eddie surprises Buck with pictures of the three of them to hang on the walls. Photos of Buck and Chris at the aquarium, the three of them at the pier from before the tsunami, photos of them at the firehouse, and the entire 118 at the Christmas party Buck planned, among others. 

Eddie wanted Buck to know this was his house too. To see his knick knacks and photos of him around just as much as Eddie and Chris. They went out and bought some new living room pillows and towels together. Small things since they didn’t need much else. But something that they chose together, cementing that this house was theirs. Buck doesn’t just live there, it’s Buck’s home as well. At the end of the night, all of his stuff was unpacked and they laid out on the couch. 

Buck sprawls out so his head is in Eddie’s lap, eyes closed, while Eddie cards his fingers through Buck’s hair. After a minute Eddie breaks the silence. 

“What did you mean earlier when you said you’ve never really had a home before, Buck?”

“Well you know I wasn’t really close with my parents. They were kind of distant, never really there. They weren’t bad, just not really ready to be parents I guess. The house never really felt like a home. Just a place I lived. Maddie helped with that you know. She always tried to take care of me and make things good, she still does. But when she left it was just empty I guess. I moved to South America to bartend and I had this little one bedroom apartment I stayed in for a while. Came back and went for the SEALS. Stayed on the Navy base during training. Had a little apartment here for a while, then lived in Abby’s apartment for a while, then my loft. They were nice and I liked living there but none of them really ever felt like home you know? The closest I’ve had to home was Maddie for the longest time and she left. Then she came back and it was like having that again. And having you and Christopher was great. Even while we were friends you always felt like home, I can’t really explain it. And when we got together? Man I couldn’t believe. I figured you’d go find some girl and marry her and leave me behind. I didn’t think I’d ever find another home. But then you loved me back and now I have a family. A real family who loves each other and cares for each other.”

Eddie’s silently wiping away the tears that are escaping his eyes. He looks down at Buck to see small streaks of tears running down his cheeks too. He adjusts so he’s able to kiss Buck, still speechless from what Buck told him. He knew most of it but hearing it all come out in an emotionally vulnerable moment broke Eddie’s heart. 

Buck sat up and turned to Eddie, placing one hand on his waist and the other on the back of his neck pulling him closer. Eddie moves so he was sitting on Buck’s lap. Hands roaming like they were earlier today but slower, there was no rush. They had time, all night. Their kisses were passionate but slow. Filled with love and affection and a tenderness Eddie didn’t realize either of them had. Each kiss was like a whisper of “I love you” in the dark before the sun rose. Like cherry blossoms drifting in the wind. 

Each kiss felt like coming home after being gone for weeks. Like drinking a glass of cold water after being outside in the summer. Like that first rainfall after a drought. It felt like everything they needed all at once. And it wasn’t enough. Eddie stood up, pulling Buck to their bedroom before pushing him back onto the bed and climbing up to lay across him. They resumed kissing, having not skipped a beat as Eddie pulled his shirt over his head, Buck following suit. Their pants followed shortly after. 

A while later they both laid panting, satiated. Buck laid with his head on Eddie’s shoulder breath warm against his pulse point. It wasn’t the first time they’ve made love, but it was the first in their house. In their bed. Eddie’s never felt so lucky to have Buck, to share a life with Buck. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve this. 

“Whatcha thinkin’ Eddie?”

“I’m thinking about how much I love you. How lucky I am. Thinking about what I ever did to deserve you.”

“You’ve done a lot of good, Diaz. If anyone doesn’t deserve someone it’s me. You’re brave, kindhearted, gorgeous, you’re a great father and you have the most amazing kid. I’m so far in love with you Eddie.”

“Buck, you’re absolutely incredible. You’re selfless, brave, you welcomed Chris into your heart with no hesitation. You’ve looked out for me and him since day one. I can’t ever thank you enough for that. I love you, Evan.”

Buck leans in and kisses him softly before standing to get a towel to clean them both up with. As he’s walking out he leans back into the room and looks at Eddie, “By the way, you got away with calling me Evan this time but don’t get used to it.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and laughed while Buck grabbed the towel and came back cleaning them both off. He threw the towel in the laundry room before walking back into their bedroom and climbing in bed, snuggling in close to Eddie. He wrapped in arm around him and they both drifted off to sleep silently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on twitter @alloeeeeee and comment if you want more chapters:))


	15. Chapter 15

They start commuting to work together. It makes sense given they live together after all. No point in two cars. Eddie likes it. It’s another few minutes to spend with Buck in peace just the two of them. You’d think they would have more time with living together and working together but they rarely get alone time unless Christopher is off at a sleepover. 

As Buck drives Eddie notices his stature. His left hand on the wheel, possessive and strong. In control. His right hand softly holds Eddie’s hand, thumb brushing over Eddie’s thumb knuckle gently. It’s what he loved most about Buck. He’s strong and in control but can be soft and vulnerable where he needs to be. The two sides of him juxtaposed right here in the car. Eddie’s pulled from his thoughts by Buck’s soft voice. 

“You okay, Eddie? You’ve been quiet and staring.”

“Yea. Yea I’m good. I was just thinking of you.”

“Oh yea? Seeing me all the time isn’t enough? You have to think of me constantly too?” Buck smirks as he says it jokingly. 

“I’ll always think of you.” Eddie replies back, sincerity marring his time as he smiles at Buck, holding his hand tighter. Buck’s eyes soften considerably as he reaches his right hand up to cradle Eddie’s cheek, still keeping his eyes forward. Eddie nuzzles into his hand and places a kiss to his palm before whispering an I love you. 

They avoid PDA at work so the 20 minute drive in is the most intimate they get to be for the next 12 hours. Eddie thought it would’ve been easier to keep his hands off Buck, he did it for years before they were together, so why would it need to change. But he finds that every time a call ends and they’re back at the station he wants to grab Buck and kiss him. When Buck walks out of the showers towards the end of his shift, shirtless and wearing a pair of sweatpants it’s all Eddie can do to not slam him against the lockers right there. 

It’s not that they never touch. It’s that they don’t want it to be too much. They still sit on the couch touching, Buck’s arm draped around Eddie’s shoulders playing with the button on his shirt there. Eddie will place his hand on the small of Buck’s back when they’re passing each other in a tight space. Buck’s hand just above Eddie’s knee in the truck, careful not to move too high. Touches innocent enough that shoot electricity through the other, lighting them up from the inside out. 

On overnights they often will fall asleep together in one bunk. More content to sleep next to each other. Both less likely to have nightmares with the other there to keep them grounded. It’s the most PDA they’ll have in the workplace. No kissing, with lingering touches. It’s the same as a year ago before they were together, minus snuggling in the bunks, although knowing them it’s almost a shock they didn’t do it before. 

They leave the occasional note to each other in the other’s locker. Slipping it in the vents to be seen when they had to change or at the end of their shift. Once clocked out, it was fair game and the PDA rule stopped applying. As Buck was throwing on his T-shirt before grabbing his duffle a strong pair of arms wrapped around his waist and Eddie placed his head on his shoulder before whispering in his ear. 

“You know I like the view better before your shirt goes on.”  
Buck turns in his arms before kissing his once heatedly, “I think we can both agree on that,” before slipping his hands under Eddie’s shirt. 

“Okay boys break it up this is a public locker room.” Hen’s head says from the doorway, her smile fond. Eddie laughs before giving Buck a quick kiss and pulling away, grabbing his bag and holding a hand out for Buck to take before walking out of the station towards Buck’s Jeep. They toss their bags in the back before heading home. 

After they get settled Eddie starts on laundry while Buck makes dinner with Chris. They eat together as a family, comfortable and happy together. They clean up the kitchen and then the three of them relax on the couch to watch tv. Chris immediately climbs into Buck’s lap, reclines back to lean against his chest. Eddie leans and tucks himself under Buck’s arm and into his side. Content to turn Buck into a pillow. Buck looks down, a small smile on his face and Eddie can’t help but lean up to kiss him. Buck lays, content to be a pillow for his Diaz boys. Hopefully they’ll keep him around, he’s never been so happy to be a pillow. 

After watching tv for a bit Buck goes to tuck Chris in and tell him a story. Buck’s story that he chose was about a brave young night who was gonna help another knight to ask the Prince to marry him. He tells Chris the “knight’s” plan and swears him to secrecy. The time will come soon enough for the knight to ask the Prince, but for now Buck tucks him in before slipping out of the room silently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Twitter @alloeeeeee and leave a comment if you want more:))


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my fave chapter I’ve written before I hope y’all enjoy🥺

Buck thinks back on the time he’s spent with Eddie. Not just as his boyfriend but as best friends. Eddie’s soft smile, warm and strong hands. Soft eyes. The way he pulled Buck in, steady heart beat pulsing against Buck’s quickened one. When he pulled Buck into the house in the middle of the night and they woke up wrapped in each other’s arms. When he kissed him back that first night. The sleepovers, soft kisses, warm touches, waking up in each other’s arms. Eddie shared his life with him, his son, his home- their home. 

Buck’s been thinking about how much he loves Eddie and Chris. He has no doubt that Eddie is his forever. The only person that he wants to wake up seeing in the bed. Eddie’s soft sleepy smiles before they go to bed, his eyes soft and caramel in the morning sun that shines through their window. The way he reaches out and strokes Buck’s hair in the morning before leaning in to kiss him. His arms wrapping around Buck in the kitchen or the locker room. 

Buck thinks about how when he’s had a particularly difficult shift Eddie is the first person he goes to. To hold him. Eddie’s steady heart beat a beacon calling him home. The way he smells in the morning as Buck holds his face into Eddie’s neck. Like detergent and sleep and everything that Buck loves all in one. Or after a shift when he smells like sweat and dirt and man and it’s all Buck can do to not push him against the locker and kiss him until they’re both breathless. 

Eddie is brave, resilient, tough, intimidating, soft, vulnerable, beautiful. Everything in one. A nail wrapped in cotton. A gun made of bubble wrap. He’s incredible. He’s everything to Buck. Without Eddie things wouldn’t change, the sun would shine and the air would still be there but with Eddie the world is brighter. More bearable. Eddie makes Buck feel like there’s more to him that just being a firefighter. 

And Chris. Buck loves Chris. He’s intelligent, resilient, patient. Buck sees so much of Eddie in him and it only makes him love Chris more. He’s a beautifully bright kid, full of life and optimism and Buck hopes to help him keep it forever. The love and welcome Chris has invited Buck into his heart with Buck will never understand, but he’s forever grateful. And he would give absolutely anything to see that kid’s smile. 

Buck’s plan is to have a peaceful day with things Eddie loves, ending at the pier. It holds bad memories for all three of them since the tsunami. But he thinks this might help change that and give them all at least one good memory. 

He wakes up early on a Saturday morning with an armful of Eddie who is still asleep. He holds him tighter for a moment before laying a gentle kiss to the top of his head and untangling himself from Eddie then slipping down the hall to Chris’s room to wake him up and remind him of the of plan for the day. 

The first part of the plan is for Chris to run in and wake Eddie up. Chris crutches down the hall to Buck and Eddie’s room and pushes open the door singing good morning to Eddie who wakes up and smiles seeing Chris coming over. He picks him up and swings him onto the bed next to him to hold him. Eddie looks up at Buck who’s standing in the doorway watching with a smile. Eddie smiles at him before whispering good morning with a fond smile on his face. Buck smiles and whispers it back, knowing it’s about to get even better. 

The second part of his plan includes Buck taking them out for breakfast at Eddie’s favorite breakfast spot before walking around the park near the house while Chris walks a little ahead. Buck drapes his arm around Eddie’s shoulders while Eddie wraps his arm around Buck’s waist and leaned in. It was a peaceful fall afternoon, the perfect day for a proposal. They walk back to the house and Buck sprawls out on the couch dragging Eddie down with him. Eddie laughs as he moves to lean against Buck’s chest while Chris sits on the floor to play with toys. After a few hours Buck makes sandwiches for lunch and they relax o the couch, watching tv and eating. 

He packs a picnic for the evening- three bean salad with a side of fresh fruit and Eddie and Chris’s favorite types of chips. And for dessert? A red velvet box with a ring made of three intertwined bands. It’s slim, not bulky, and minimalist. Inside is engraved a variation of the first thing Eddie said to him to make Buck like him, “You’ll have my back,” from Eddie’s original saying, “You can have my back any day.”

To be fair Buck never didn’t like him, he was confronted with feelings he’d never felt before, an attraction to a man and his first instinct was to push him away and dislike him. Hoping those feelings would dissipate. After watching Eddie diffuse the bomb he realized it was useless. Eddie was there to stay. And hating him wouldn’t change his feelings. And it was hard to say no to Eddie’s smile and beautiful eyes anyways. 

His weather app shows the sun setting at 7:30. He packs a sweater for Chris, knowing once the sun goes down that the air will catch a chill. He walks into the living room carrying the basket around 6:30 announcing he packed a sunset picnic for the three of them but the location was a surprise. Eddie gives him a slightly confused look but Chris excitedly jumps up before putting on his shoes and getting ready to go while Eddie does the same. They climb in Buck’s jeep and Buck drives toward the pier. He takes a deep breath as he sees the sign but gives a smile to Eddie while grabbing the basket and placing his free hand on Chris’s shoulder and walking forward. 

He’s nervous for several reasons. He hasn’t been to the pier in a year and a half since the tsunami. He knows Eddie and Chris haven’t either. The other reason being the little voice of doubt in the back of his head telling him Eddie will say no. He knows that he won’t logically. But Eddie’s the first to ever stay. The first to not reject him. Yet. He can’t help that nagging voice. 

Eddie pulls him out of his second thoughts by grabbing the hand that’s on Chris’s shoulder and giving it a squeeze. Buck looks up to his eyes to see a little worry mixed with confusion. Buck sends him a smile before releasing Chris’s shoulder and threading his fingers with Eddie’s and pulls him closer, bumping shoulders as they walked. 

They set up at a bench on the pier overlooking the water and Buck began pulling out the food and passing it around. He handed Chris’s food to him and winks before handing another container to Eddie. Eddie makes eye contact with Buck and cocks an eye brow, not for the first time, in confusion. Buck just smiles at him as they eat and talk and laugh together. 

After they finish dinner, Buck calls for a picture break, the final part of his plan. Starting with pictures of all three of them Buck uses the basket to prop his phone and take a picture of the three of them, sunset in the background. Next he took pictures of Eddie and Chris. He slips the ring out of the basket and into his pocket while Eddie is distracted by Chris. Chris “insists” on taking a picture of Eddie and Buck and decides on angles and poses for them. 

Chris sits on the picnic basket and hits record and decides the first pose should be the two of them looking over the railing at the sunset. Eddie laughs and obliges while Buck takes a different direction. Buck kneels down on one knee slightly behind Eddie. Eddie looks to his left where Buck was supposed to be only to find him on one knee, the ring box in his hand and his jaw drops. Buck begins speaking. 

“Eddie, for as long as I’ve known you I knew I needed you in my life. Even if it was just as a platonic friendship and nothing more all I wanted was you in my life. You’re smile, your laugh- you bring so much light into my life. You and Chris both do. Eddie you’re my home, my life, the one person who has accepted me one hundred percent and loved me anyway. Eddie I want nothing more than you and Chris forever. So, will you do me the biggest honor- Eddie will you marry me?”

Tears stream down Eddie’s face as he’s speechless. He leans leans down on his knees and wraps his arm around Buck kissing him. Their tears mixing together making this kiss saltier than usual but somehow the sweetest kiss he’s ever had. He pulls back to say yes as Buck wraps his arms back around him in a hug. They pull back and Eddie slips the ring on his finger after reading the engraving then looks over at Chris who’s practically vibrating while holding the phone, still recording. He calls Chris over who quickly stands and crutches over to Eddie and Buck, wrapping his little arms around both of their necks and squeezing tight, crying as well. Buck pulls back the phone and ends the video. Saving it to his favorites for them all to watch later. 

He already knows it’s perfect even if he hasn’t watched it yet. Because Eddie said yes. Eddie said yes to spending forever with him. He wants to relive this moment forever. Holding his boys, his everything, in arms on the pier, smiling and crying softly together. Silently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Twitter @alloeeeeee and leave a comment if you want more:))


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Twitter @alloeeeeee

Eddie wore the ring on a chain around his neck. Afraid of losing it on a call while it’s on his finger, afraid of it getting dirty or tarnished, and also because Buck and Eddie decided to hold off on telling people. At least for a little while. It’s not because they’re unsure it’ll work out, it’s because as soon as everyone knows then everyone has an opinion. Not only that but it’s mid October now, a couple of weeks after Buck proposed, and Maddie and Chimney’s wedding is planned for early November. 

They agreed to wait until after Maddie and Chimney get married before they announce it. This gives them roughly a month to get an outline of their wedding, a rough draft. The hours between their shift are spent with Chris planning, because this wedding isn’t just about them, it’s about Chris’s too. He’s just as much a part of this as they are, so they make sure he has say in it as well. Chris helps pick their “bachelor party” theme, as well as helping plan the reception. 

They’re going small. Nothing elaborate, family only. Eddie’s family- his sisters, parents, aunt and grandmother. And the 118- Bobby, Athena, May, Harry, Michael, Chimney, Hen, Karen, Denny, Nia. They avoided inviting Buck’s parents to come after they had declined to be at Maddie’s. Chris and Maddie will have special roles. Buck wants Maddie to be his “Best man” while Chris will be Eddie’s. Maddie and Chris will hold the rings as well, skipping the ring bearer position. They’ve already asked Carla to officiate before swearing her to secrecy for the time being. The reception will be at their house, with a variety of different foods and ,upon Chris’s insistence, lots of different desserts: cake, pie, and several of Abuela’s desserts. 

Eddie went and bought a ring for Buck as well to wear around his neck. Simple but just as meaningful. It’s a thin silver band with three lines etched in around it crossing over one another periodically. Inside is engraved, “and I’ll have yours.” A continuation to the paraphrased line on the ring Buck have Eddie, “You’ll have my back.” It’s a promise, one they haven’t broken yet over the years of being best friends, and later more than that. 

They wear their rings on chains around their necks, tucked into their shirts. If anyone’s noticed they’ve kept it quiet. They decided to give Chris a ring too as a way of asking him to be Eddie’s best man. A small silver braided ring engraved with “You’re our kid.” A new iteration for all the times Eddie said “You’re my kid,” because he’s not just Eddie’s kid anymore. He hasn’t been for a long time. Buck stepped up and took on a more parental role without being asked. Picking Chris up from school, going to school functions, joining the PTA with Eddie, taking Chris to see Santa. He’s gone above and beyond his role, and he didn’t think twice. He dived in head first and embraced his new role the day he met Chris, long before they dated.

They decided a beach wedding in April would be perfect. And with Chris’s help, they chose white and gold as the color scheme. Buck would wear a fitted, short sleeved button down shirt and Eddie would wear white t-shirt, both in fitted white pants. Chris would wear white pants and a golden t-shirt to match Maddie’s gold floor length sundress and her white and gold floral bouquet. Carla would wear a white shirt and golden skirt. And their guests would sit in white chairs adorned with golden ribbons. It’s simple, minimal, beautiful, and perfect for them. 

They also decided on the date, the morning of Saturday, April 30th. The ceremony will be held in the morning, leaving the rest of the day for pictures and spending time with family. The family they chose. 

Through the planning Eddie can see that while Buck is thrilled he’s slightly upset that his parents won’t be there. They finished the last of their plans a few days before Maddie and Chimney’s wedding after a whirlwind month of planning. They climb into bed, Buck curling into Eddie and placing his face between his neck and shoulder, wrapping his arm tight around Eddie’s torso. Eddie knew he wanted to talk about his parents but he had to wait for Buck to bring it up himself. The silence was broken a few minutes later by Buck. 

“I know they were never really there anyway. But I thought they would’ve at least wanted to be there for our weddings. But after seeing Maddie heartbroken after they said no I just don’t wanna try. What’s the point anyway, I shouldn’t care. They sure don’t.”

Eddie felt his heart pull at Buck’s words. He never had an unsupportive family, they were always there, even if Eddie didn’t want them to be. He didn’t know how to comfort Buck, and he wishes he did. He wishes he had the answer, the magical remedy to this pain Buck was feeling. 

“I’m so sorry, Evan.” Buck makes a slight noise at the same, sounding suspiciously like a whimper before Eddie continues on, “I’m sorry they don’t care and I’m sorry that you’re hurting like this. But Buck, you are so strong. And you’re resilient. And you’re brave. You wear your heart on your sleeve no matter how many times you’ve been hurt.” 

Eddie pulls back, cradling Buck’s jaw, forcing him to look Eddie in the eye, “and you are so incredible. If they don’t see that? Then fuck them. You have Maddie and Chris and me. You have the entire 118 behind you, backing every decision you make, even if it’s a stupid one, which it often is.” Buck cracks a smile then, Eddie knows he saying something right. 

“I love you Buck. And if they don’t want to be there for you and Maddie? Then they’re failing to see their beautiful daughter find the happiness she deserves finally and their beautiful son become the best damn husband and father ever.”

Buck leans in, placing a soft, insistent kiss on Eddie’s lips. Holding him tightly, never wanting to let go. Eddie’s home. He is the one place that Buck will always want to run to, no matter where he is. Buck’s drawn to Eddie like a magnet. And when Buck kisses him, it feels like every mistake in his life was worth it because each one got him one step closer to Eddie Diaz. And Eddie is the best damn thing he could think of. Not to mention bringing Eddie into his life meant Christopher came too. It took one look at Chris’s picture for Buck to know he would do anything for that kid. He was wrapped right around that kid’s finger, and he had no plans of unwrapping any time soon. 

Buck snuggled back into Eddie’s neck, placing a kiss to his pulse point before closing his eyes. He’s silent for a minute before whispering, “Hey Eddie?”

“Yea Buck?” 

“I kind of like it when you call me Evan now. It has a better connotation that it used to when you say it. It makes me feel safe now, it makes me feel like you care.”

Eddie doesn’t respond. He leans back enough to press a lingering kiss to Buck’s forehead before moving back to how they were. Their wedding was planned, they had a home, Chris sleeping soundly down the hall, safe. They had a little time left to keep their engagement secret, and before they prepared to tell everyone they enjoyed their time left of it just being known to the three of them silently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like it please leave comments and kudos:))


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